Kemmiiii's Blog

Birthday Blues

Posted on: August 25, 2011

My Pops’ birthday Is in a few days time..(you’ve probably noticed how much I love my pops!! i write something about him in almost all my posts cos I love him ^_^ ) And the house is already cramped! Its really annoying cuz people just barge into my room, mess up my room, mess up my bathroom, and worst of all, My laptop screen got broken. Anytime I get pissed, I just keep on reminding myself that they came to celebrate with my daddy. “Kemi keep calm…They are here to celebrate with your daddy.”

He was planning to just celebrate his birthday at the orphanage before…We all thought the man was going through mid life crisis…In my mind I was like “Baba don old he dosent know what is wrong with him again” They convinced him to celebrate it…This was the beginning of the end…Its not as serious as im making it sound oh!

I mean, If you are celebrating your birthday with orphans who will be willing to come all the way from the US to celebrate with you? Nobody of course! So We are still going to the orphanage but we are celebrating the day after…

I got back from school that fateful Tuesday afternoon and GBOOM!! They were there!! In the living room!! Five of them!! They all went “Hey Kemi”..I looked around, the living room was  so cluttered with luggage and footwear and all. In my head, I was like “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????” And I had a classic plastic smile on.

In my head, I began calculating the date of the party..TF?? Two weeks away…Who does this?? Dosent it occur to you that someone celebrating something will be quarter to broke and it seems right to you to come and live off him? Have mercy!!! (No PM for me in 2 weeks)

After the customary, Hellos and His, How is school and all? With my plastic smile still plastered on my face, I ran off to my room. Next thing I know, the kids just barged into my room and I was about to snap at them then I reminded myself that they were my Father’s guests.

I said a silent prayer “Father Lord Help me to be patient”

Apart from their messiness, they are also very insolent. God knows my child cannot be that insolent even Even if they are born In America or Taiwan! Aint no children gonna be showing the policemen their bums. These ones were not born in America sef. They havent even lived there for up to 10 years and they already forgot where they came from. They will be making stupid comments that I wish I could just snap back at them but I’ll just have to calm myself down.

Let Me give you a few instances.

Those comments dey always chook me eh! (The responses I wish I could give are typed in bold)

Guest: Oh Kemi..Power is out. Why cant we have the generator on?

Kemi: You have to wait till 7. ( If I slap you ehn! Na you buy diesel put for dia?)

Guest: Ooooh! You have Wifi I thought Africa was like Haiti. Can I use the computer?

Kemi: No. I have school work. ( Dude! How did you become this shallow? Africa is not a jungle? Have you forgotten that you were born and raised here)

Guest: Kemi you aggy as hell!!

Kemi: Im just happy you’re here 🙂 (WAKA!! Emi aggy? What does aggy mean sef?) 

Guest: Why Does the Wifi start at 7? That is so Haiitian

Kemi: Cuz no one is at home to use it all day ( Why are the osteoblasts in your skull so hyperactive?)

Guest: Oh My Word Kemi you have your own bathroom!! I wish I had a room this big.

Kemi: Yeah Thanks. (Sha ma ji toothpaste mi lo! Mo ti ri oju e nbe)

Guest: Kemi You’re so African!! Im Happy Im American.

Kemi: Since when did you become American? ( Dude!! I guess I have to remind you how you got your visa..and how I used to beg your mummy to allow you stop cutting okro and come and play with us.)

Guest: Kemi Gba ”chewing gum” yii kófi hanu.

Kemi: Thank you ma

Guest 2: Kemi Can I have some?

Kemi: No!

Guest 2: You want to go and show off at school right?

Kemi: *silence* (what could I have said sef? It doesn’t warrant a reply)  

Those are just few instances of how they’ll be getting on my nerves.

The visitors aside, My brother’s also arrived on Sunday. Im surprised that they havent been frustrating me about how Im enjoying Nigeria and Med School. When they came last christmas It was really bad. I really dont get why people just go and come be acting like they’ve never lived in Nigeria. It ticks me off I swear!

I just wish I could say my thoughts but I have to be on my best behavior *adjusts LV halo*

As you can see everything is chooking me.

It is chooking me die!! Plus I will come back from school to arrange my own room upon how much I threaten to make them sleep on the couch.

Did I mention how they will be going to Mr. Biggs Every night and be feeling tech with themselves? It used to chook me that they dont even offer me! But I thank God that im allergic to Mr. Biggs.

In the short time they have spent, They spoilt my laptop, Not like they spoilt it but the laptop is quarter to dead so I put the blame on them 😀


I cant wait till this party is over with! So that all this people can go back to where they came from and I can have my normal sleeping pattern back. Did I mention how much this child kicks me in the middle of the night?? Chimo!! I just Kent!! I have neck ache, back pain and muscle spasms every night! I am not lying! 😐

Mschew! My aunt is now coming with her nosy friend tomorrow!! Double wahala for Dead Body!!

Rant Over!

PS: Im sorry for boring you with my boring life 😦 I have learnt that when you tell people your problems, It reduces the weight! Please help me carry some of my troubles 🙂


I’m meant to have posted this days ago. *side eye* at the lazy editor.

Appaz, tomorrow is my Pops’ Birthday and the population of my house cannot even be rounded up. *sigh*


54 Responses to "Birthday Blues"

nice one kemi….il carry some of ur funny troubles 4 u……

Awww…no wonder u tweeted…”More guest :(“…..

Awww dooo babe…I feel ur pain…it wil soon com n go
Just keep d bday cake ohh…lol


Thanks ibeta! I will keep your cake ((((Hugs))))

Good one… seems you express yourself better with pen and paper (or keyboard and VDU as it were)

Plus If any of our ‘guests’ is above 17, female, cute and has the size of your ‘twins’… DM me her number. I’d distract that one for you…

Keep it up dearie… I visit here more than you would have thought of.

(Sha ma ji toothpaste mi ti roju enbe)hanhan kemiiii funny gal.dnt worry dey wld soon leave.nice one

So I laughed.. Long yea, buh Funny.. I knw how u feel..I’ve had my share of parties at home.. My nuclear family is as close as my immediate family. Unfortunately, I’m the only child, u can imagine the amount of b.s my ‘crankyself’ gt to take.. Buh regardless.. Family is KEY, be glad u ve em.. I love mine to bits.. I find it hard to believe I love em more wen I see err1 together celebrating and Laughing. Embrace watchu gt and keep that plastic smile on *always*

Its a pity cuz im not too sure if these ones are family.
Thanks Smokeyy! :*

Nice rant!good flow too..could almost hear ur voice lamenting..dnt consume too much

lol!thanksBunmi! iWont

eeyah, dats family for you. So where is my IV or i have to do mo gbo mo ya.

Lol! Yemi! no be my party! Baba get limited number of guests! 😀

Nice one …..thumbs up!!!!

Sorry’ll soon be over but if you need somehere to stay, I’m seeking a female flatmate with benefits. U can like to apply 😀

Lol! Thanks for the offer. I’ll pass so that ‘Madam’ won’t have my head 😉

This was really lovely. Love the way you were genuinely upset but still didn’t take urself too seriously.

One think though, that yua editor needs to be flogged o. Im nor do im work well nah. See typos everywhere… They were distracting but at least they didn’t keep me from enjoying the piece sha.

Ku’ise (y)

Lol! thanks Mr Toxic! He did not even do his work! I had to post without editing.

ok so dis kemi’s imagination is crazy…ur unsaid responses wre crazy. I feel ur pain o pele it’ll soon be over

Thanks Toyin! I want the time to come fast!!

Brilliant i must say, really good.

it’s cute how they all came to celebrate your dad’s birthday with him but i totally feel your pain. I remember when my cousins that were born in the US visited us,..i almost ran mad. They found everything so hilarious and local, i wanted to shoot someone! & to make matters worse, i had to pretend like “we cool” cos my parents kept telling me not to pop-off on them..

lol! Im glad that you can relate!! The feeling kills! ugh!

Good tin you can pin d destruction of your laptop on ur dad’s visitors so just incase you’ll get a much better new one on time

*walking away*

*walks back*

*pretending to drop an imaginary bag from shoulder*

and thats your problem….u can have it back

Hian! you’re such a lovely friend!

So I came to comment because I know it makes Kemi happy. How far nau? 🙂

Lol! I love you sha!! :*

Lmao!!dis is so funny nd crazy mehn……nice one kemi,calm down sha jes a matter of tym 🙂

Lálúpon Cinderella. *Stifles Laugh*
Pele, You’ll be fine. Unfortunately I can relate to this cos I’m the only child of my parents who are “only” offsprings of their own parents too. I have no Uncles cousins or nephews, Sometimes I wish I had just one. 😦 …….Cuuuuut!!! *Draws Curtains*

Sad story ehn, Moral = Appreciate your family. Action Point = Dont come and be pouring bukata on our head here. As per the Americana, there’s Love in Brushing.

PPS: That only child story is fiction. I have 3Grandpas (long story), cumulative 9 Grandma, 0<x<100 Cousins, 0<x<600 Miscellaneous Relatives.

Lmfao!!! Deolu o!
Im always looking foward to your comments!!
3Grandpas? You keed!!

*clears throat wisely*…..I say u poison the nasty little buggers and be done wth it(I know some very clean ways),Popsi won’t even notice they’re dead :D….btw ur Editor says to tell u dat the reason he’s on strike is(I quote him) “I no longer want to be paid in cash,I want now,to be paid in…” u get d idea #okbye.

Hahaha. Nice! (Y)

Thanks for visiting! come again 😀

You must really be ‘enjoying’ yourself with your guests. I always say, having lived overseas for 6 years, I will ensure the way I train my kids is patterned to the Nigerian style, sincerely. It disgusts me the way some akata kids behave and I don’t ever pray my kids behave that way…


Lollllz, Kemi!!! love this (Y) :*

Kill them. Kill them all. I know the manager of Mr. Biggs personally. We could organize a little “accident”. You down?

aunty is this the way u r going to invite us for the byday ni? and pls keep one oyibo for me to cum and marry oh!!!! 😀

Lol!! what is aggy? anyone knows? nice reply to you are so aggy though…

kemi dear, pele….. i am sha waiting for birthday cake o.
plus i think aggy is prolly aggressive

Ok! That’s it! But don’t tell me you are allergic to Mr. Biggs o. Since when? That I saw you munching some chicken burger the other day with the plastic pack with the logo vested on it. One day you’ll go there too and you’ll be tempted to say the same thing. Bet it with me! But all the same, at least you got some company for a lil while. I’m sure you gonna miss ’em when they eventually leave. Nice piece. ni

Lol!! You know this! they’ve gone oh! I have peace.

Hmnph. Lord knows I don’t harbor that kind of patience in my heart. I would have screamed and made some snide remarks in return.

lmao…Ur father should see this! those kids r really ‘cases’. I’ll willingly carry some of ur

I have read the post at last!!
LV halo ??!! hahahahaha. I like yoir journal entries.very nice read.(y)

[…] Plus I‘ve been so busy!! You know na? Med school (Exams and shyt) Plus Dadddy’s birthday Plus silly guests 😦 and all!! So pretty […]

The post you wrote is really good.

I enjoyed that post. This topic is really very intesting.

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