Kemmiiii's Blog

Dear Future Husband

Posted on: October 2, 2011

                    “Men are like buses: one goes, another comes but only one takes you home. Don’t Miss that bus.”                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Kemi’s Room

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Awesome Grace Villa

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Kemi’s Future husband.

Mars

Olowo Ori Mi! Eye Mi! The Sugar in my cupboard, The cockroach in my tea.

I hope this meets you well o! And you better be reading this! Pay careful attention o! You know listening is one of the keys to a successful relationship..ehen!

I must say, you are one very lucky basterd! With the number of people tryna set p now eh! and you still came through, O ku Orire!

I even wonder what you are doing at the moment. You better not be chyking another babe o! Because I’m meant to be your one and only! The time here says 6:34 pm. You should be in a library or reading somewhere reading Maths and stuff seeing as you will become a Maths Teacher  Petrochemical Engineer. Notice the specificity? We must taste that National cake. I don’t want a glorified mechanic o! My papa no fit hear am.

So that we shall not argue when we meet, Let me lay down the rules. MY RULES.

1. You know why God sent us to earth na? 🙂 We shall obey him to the letter. Obey him Morning, afternoon and night. Obey him in the shower, On the kitchen table, In the nursery, Surprise visit to your office, and anywhere. I’m obedient like that. Not that we cannot feel the need to be obedient at the same time. So hold yourself. If you like Cheat. Castration is your portion.

2. You know the actual will of God is to make babies. I just hope ’em babies roll in at the right time. I don’t want ours to be the case of the couple that terminated their pregnancy cuz they wanted time for each other.

We are gonna have 8 babies!

Oh your head is getting light? Have a comfy seat \)___ Yes! 8 babies. Sextuplets and a set of twins. Don’t get all woozy, you will be fine. Just start learning how to multitask. Preparing baby food and changing diapers will come naturally to you.

Ahem! start researching on the necessary food supplements and stuff that can increase your firing rate.  To achieve such feat, we require extra effort.

3.  My love!! You don’t expect me to do all the cooking and clinting *In Madea’s voice* O le wa pa mi fun Baba mi eh! My pops knows how to cook so you sef you must sabi! Note that boiling water does not count as cooking. Just in case of anything, learn how to cook so that hunger will not finish our children.

4. The issue of Ekaettae is something I’m still considering. Mi o wa fe ki omo gbo’ko lowo mi. Banky W will now be singing my theme song! Mba!

5.  Date NIghts. We shall set out at least two days in a month to go on dates. Don’t say because we’re married you can’t start doing anyhow o! You will pretend as if its our first date…I hope you know a visit to Mr. Biggs does not count as a date.

Ehen! For our actual first date, you can like to take hints from @bule_jr’s Date Days. That  should help.

6. Pay very good attention now o! Me I don’t want all those clichéd proposals. Too boring! I want something you don’t see everyday like proposing when we go bungee jumping of Eko bridge. You had better be an adrenaline junkie.

7. Our Song. I really wonder what ‘our song’ will be But Iwant to make a suggestion.

There are many songs in my head. First I thought of Bracket’s “Yori Yori” I changed my mind when I heard “Mueh Mueh” who does that?

Then we have “Something about you” by Dr.  Sid. I fux with this song mehn. d(^_^)b. I mean that song is a good song.

“We go get big house for Sokoto Banana Island”

“Our children no go be Olodo” Yes ke! My brain + Your brain should gives us whiz kids. ( Not the he ye ye ye crooner type o Cuz I don’t want my kids telling me..”Mummy you’re a soup or star”

“No cheating and no Ojoro” Like I said, na castration get you!

I was also considering Seyi Shodimu’s “Love me jeje” but I don’t want to seem too ancient.

8. Discipline. There shall be no such thing as flogging o! If I hear am!  You dunno what Menstrual cramps feel like. Not to talk of the strains of child birth. You will not kill my child for me. Punishments like “Stand in the corner”, “Go to your room”, “You’re grounded” or Pinfall can suffice. This doesn’t mean the children will be spoilt.

That is all I have in mind for now. I just hope I haven’t forgotten anything. Extra details shall be forwarded to you.

Remain blessed my dear.

Use your seat belt o!

Don’t shame me ehn so that my case will not be the case of the babe in 27 dresses and all those nosy relatives will not start talking.

Do come at the RIGHT time.

With so much love in my heart,

Oluwakemi.

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71 Responses to "Dear Future Husband"

8 kids? Please marry me now!

Ok. Let us go Bungee jumping then.

I 100% love this…Nice one Kemi:)

         

LoooooooL……
#1- Which kain yeye obedience is that one?..lmaoo
#2- 8 BABIES!!! Oh my!!…the Lord is your strength! :’)
Bungee jumping of eko bridge…really??, no, really??
Good write-up sha, cheers :d

Loooool. 8 children ke? U wanna buy dem?

wehrey geh u want to kee urself abi —-> 8 children who does dat?…anyway hilarious as usual :D, i’m beginnin 2 be jealous o 😦

*clears throat* i can live with this.

and i thot 8 children was overrated, planned for 13 tho. Just need to change my course next semester

I hope he shall read ds. . .

at least a few of us now know you arent referring to us

“Men are like buses: one goes, another comes but one takes you home. Don’t Miss that bus.”     love this

JESUUUU i MUST knw hw 2 cook? ahahn eleyi ti poju keh.. I waz evn finkin of settin P wit u b4 sef *tears love letter* 😀 ::::
LOVELY POST UP DER.. iLike (Y)

no wonder he is not with you now, with all this, he’s probably in training camp. lovely post

Haaa!!! 8 babies ke. Come back and re-write this when u witness what labour pain feels like.
Looks like u didn’t calculate school fees as well.
Dear Kemi’s future husband. Don’t mind her jare, o n sere ni 😀 😀

But this letter is coming late na, I’ve already studied another course 😦 What are we going to do abt it? 😦

wow! ds is sooooooooooooo interesting. hmmn! came about it on twitter am am gonna b showing up once in a while!!!

Awesome! I taught u well.8 kids??? *sigh* na u go suffer am sha o….babe,this is a very interesting umm write up?Wateva sha,am proud of u. :*

Kemmiiii,I’m speechless…gud work,bebe!!!!

Nice write up, jus wondering why u made rule #1 ur first rule tho, jus wondering… 😀

Buhahahha u ar sick dis gurl!oko ee rogo!

Erm,
#1: but u knw ur name will be Mrs Kemi McHorny 😉
Nd der’ll always be garri nd groundnut in my house 4 d kids #justsaying

cute.

Lmaoooooooo!

Great post I must say but firstly I hope he’s reading this *wink*

8 Babies well it’s easier said than done…

Must he be an engineer? What if the national cake rots….#justsaying ….

Keep it up!!!

Etfpmko (erin ti fe pa mi ku ooo)….Mrs.Kemi McHorny..buhahaha….are u sure ur future husband will not wear uniform lyk dis..lyk seriously…this is gangster mehn..keep up!

“Men are like buses: one goes, another comes but one takes you home. Don’t Miss that bus.”

Hemmmm…..Lemme be dat bus dat will drop u at that junction where u will get ur final bus home but remember, there re some homes bus can’t get to, so its advisable to make use of ‘OKADA’ or Keke NAPEPE

#okbye

Lmaooooo. Bus dey reach my own house.

Now, this is one seriously hilarious write-up! Kudos! Buh ’em my dad flogged me oo, and I’ve been dreaming of flogging my sons too! So u’ll have to bear with me. :d as for 8 kids, so far as ua getting pregnant, don’t worry, we’ll do 12, na u wan born plenty kids, so I think that should do!

On cheating, well, I’ll comment my reserve till the time comes… In all, looking forward to ‘obeying’ God with u! That’ll be sooooo much fun as I’m a very good and obedient servant!

That’s all for now! Peace

Haha. Your future husband don enter one chance o…

Kemmiiii, please!! Calculate school fees, 8 kids!. Or u rather won’t want to live 5 kids behind when u win luxury trips of family of 5.. Lmao.
BTW,
“Men are like buses: one goes, another comes but one takes you home. Don’t Miss that bus”.
Buses do break down..

*Books next flight to Nigeria*

Hahaha. I’m expecting you.

Absolutey brilliant. Absolutely! 100% satisfactotily funny as I would expect from the title. Nice work @kemmiiii. Shey I can apply sha? I think I am 80% qualifiedd but I do not solve maths and I do not want to have 8 kids o! Haba! :D.

Seriously Kemi, this is really good.

Really good.

House in Soko…sorry, Banana Island? I hope you are saving.

Lol. Thanks Terdoo. The national cake will pay for us.

Nyc one…keep it up

I like the obedience part. (y) I also like how you asked him to come on time. Great courage in putting this out here. I do not think I could be totally honest in my letter to my future wife. I would get too many false love proposals. If you need help choosing the right one from those who come knocking, I will be here for you. You know where to find me. Well done

Lol. Thank you Mr. Orijesu. I know where to find you 😀
Sent from my BlackBerry® Smartphone, from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed internet service with Etisalat easy net, available at all our experience centres

crazy shit….. i luv it

Laff has killed me o! I want to believe u hv never had menstrual cramps before coz if u hv, u won’t be dreaming of 8 kids. Nice write-up tho!

I was still busy scheming when to come and “jack” you for new post, but I pity you sometimes amidst your busy schedule.

“Obedience” Shey Energizer Bunny ni e ni?
And as per the “8” little gremlins you are looking to “rear”, here’s my calculation. For every 2yrs, your bus fails to arrive you will drop the ambition by 1. At 20 you will want 7, 22;6, 24;5…in a nut shell marry before 32 or you’re snookered. But I liked this sha, keep it cuming… Oops “coming”

PS. Considering the number of ppl a bus can carry at once, bus is not a good metaphor to describe us oh.

Lool. You know na? School is killing me. I just had to put something up. Lol.
Lool. Maybe Train instead of Bus but train no dey reach house.

Ahem, Eight kids? *turns bak to ‘my people’* Papa, lets move on to the next compound

Before I go on, i’ll like to say that quote at d beginning is sexual… *goes back to read blog*

ODE!!! Looooool! Ground ke??? Stand in the corner ke? Wa gba!!!

Awww,very creative n every gurl’s prayer…nyc ☺N̤̥̈̊ε̲̣̣̣̥!

Okay Kemmiii, you did not have to go through the stress of writing a whole blog just to sub me, you could just have tweeted “King of my heart, you’re just perfect for me, ‘come’ at the right time #NoPunIntended” Anyways… I’ve caught the sub and I must really say, we’re suited to a T

WONDERFUL WRITING THO’ 10/10 once again… Iwo omo yii, scholar ni e o… 4.5 in blogging.

Lol. Too Much kind words Jide *bows*

And Kemi stays subbing me sha……good read, as usual. 8 Kids tho??? I wee not let dem suck u dry o. 3 (or 4) max. 😀

ROTFLMAOO!!dis geh ehn?i go like meet ur hubby…..& if by any chance he doesn’t meet any of these;we suppose smack u(and 8 kids….chai!u get strenght o)

This is sexual. That you mentioned me when you wrote the blog means I’m a prospective husband abi? *dances Windeck*
8 kids is too small.. I want a complete football team or like the disciples in the bible 😉
In short, we are going to set P…. .Oya see your DM
Wonderful blog..Can’t say more.

Loooooool!
I love,love,love it! Awesome read! Hope he gets to read this.
8 kids tho? Wow.

@leonmacedeon Loool! “Let’s move on to the next compound”

Hmmm, *thinking* will consider your proposal. You can check in 18days for feedback.

Interesting.

Lmao @ the wizkid diss… He should read this…Big Ouch!

[…] People. You’re Welcome Back. You know the letterDear Future Husband I wrote to My future Husband eh? Well….I got a few responses from jonzing future husbands. I […]

Lol. Kemi ur insane. Being obedient to God everywhere,8kids. Crazy hun

Laugh wan tear my sokoto!!! Lmfao kemii u r something else

This is so cool…i couldn’t help not writing a reply…would send it to your mailbox tomorrow or next…bdw…i also sent u a fb request

[…] Posted by Kelechi Kemnele I have read a lot of stuffs, some made me cry…literally..others made me laugh, some made think and a few, wish but when i read a post on Kemmiiii’s blog…i knew i had to write…thus the reply below…To really understand the reply, i would advise that check out the main letter: “Dear Future Husband“ […]

Dearest Oluwakemi

Hahahahahaha! Funny you would think I’m in Mars, I’m here on earth and yes, I got ur letter. Funny how all dese letters reach me (my name is not future husband). I got tired of reading all them future husband letters a while back. Somehow though, I noticed urs (ur choice of stationery is was a great contributing factor).

I’ve bn sitting comfortably wondering if I was going to die alone when I saw ur letter, now my life has a purpose – to look for dat bus, collect d key from whoever d driver is and drive it straight to u.

I noticed you hammered a lot on infidelity, I would have to be crazy to cheat the woman who was absolutely willing to birth us 8 children (I want d first to b a girl, I hope u want that too). You also musnt cheat however, cos if u do, I may have to leave you and I’ll take our children with me (yes! D whole 8). I won’t hurt you however, dat pain from losing d kids should b enough.

Currently putting finishing touches to our 10 bedroom mansion with a swimming pool. Sorry I didn’t consult you first, I thot that wld be big enough.
Cooking won’t be an issue, made my first meal wen when I was 7….well sorta! Mum asked me to put beans on d fire, den she made moi moi every sunday…..didn’t know wat she wanted so I washed half of d beans and put everything in d pot in a haphazard mixture of brown and white. A day for colours it was too as she beat me black and blue, but I digress. Let’s jst say I learnt my lesson, and many lessons after dat.

U will get a nanny, I suggest a 50yrs old flabby woman, not dat I intend to cheat, but why invite temptation in d mould of a 25yr old voluptuous vixen.

I also want to add dat I do not smoke, don’t drive me to it. I, however, indulge in d occasional alcohol and feel quite obedient after. I won’t force u to obey if you don’t like the smell of alcohol. There are 10rooms anyway, u hide in one, I’ll be too inebriated to find u. (See why d 25yr old was a horrible idea)

I will leave it here, we’ll iron d other details out when we meet.

Love
Husby
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PS: didn’t address the bungee jumping issue cos I felt it was a joke. It was a joke right?

PS of d PS: lovely article, enjoyed reading every word. I hope you’re dis witty in 50years when all d children are grown and we have only each other for company.

[…] wait! Just puzzled, my countenance changed and she showed to me something like…..here’s a reply from another […]

Reblogged this on thoughtsofasecondborn.

This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

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