Kemmiiii's Blog

Dear Future Wife II

Posted on: October 8, 2011

The Anonymous Jonzer;

ojulari mi owan, ololufe mi,  Okan mi nso ede ife
If love takes me to stand, I will stand like standing fan
Indeed I’m a lucky fellow to have you. My pastor did not lie when he said we were meant to be hence there will be no need to set P. Our union as been ordained.
Just so you know, I was in the library when I read your letter , although I’m not studying petroleum engineering, I am still an engineering student and for your sake I will go back 3 levels to study petroleum engineering. You should know that my pops has willed me his very big farm but if you are bent on getting the national cake, I will make it happen.So that we shall not argue after ringing the bell. I twitched some of the rules for convenience sake.
1.    Honey, I am equally as horny as you and you can be sure that whether it’s in the kitchen, room or office we will be doing it like Nike. I am obedient like that.Besides I give you permission to cut my dick off if I ever cheat.

2.    Oh, I love children. I was thinking of 13 children. Sorry i meant 13 boys, 8 children are too few. My father left a very big farm behind for me and employing workers is waste of money. Yes I’m a frugal spender like that. If you think you cannot handle the childbearing strains or menstrual pains, you have the option of caesarean section or I can as well marry a second wife to ease you of your duties. I will not accept adopted babies or test tube babies. I don’t remember putting my junk in a test tube.
3.    Cooking is not a problem, I lived on indomie noodles throughout my childhood, my children won’t be an exception.4.    Hmmm, Ekaettae. It’s not by force we get one. One of your beautiful young cousins will suffice for that role unless you want to give up your career in WHO and become a housewife.
5.    You know I’m thrifty when it comes to money and yes I agree with you that going to Mr. Biggs is not a date. So listen to the drill about our date days. You cook my favourite meal; amala, gbegiri soup with orishirishi and any other food you would like for yourself.
You pack it up in a nice picnic basket with some candles and chill at home till I get back with a rented ijapa.
We set off to Lagoon restaurant or Golden gate restaurant (your choice) and set our dinner in the car park. I’m romantic like that.

6.    For the proposal, I have a lot of beautiful ideas, here is one of them. I was thinking of proposing to you while sky diving.     I just hope you don’t get lost in the euphoria of my proposal and the SIZE of the ring and then you forget to pull your parachute before impact.
I won’t mourn you, I’m in high demand.

7.    So for our song I came up with Bruno Mars “Marry you” the other artistes you mentioned are too local, I can’t associate myself with their incredibly rare and terrible skills.My pops as promised to get me a house in sokoto, rent is cheap there and as for banana island, …………… you understand what the dots mean right. Unless you want me to work as a gate man in a rich man’s house, so that we will live in a gate house on banana Island. If you ever consider this option shoot yourself before I propose. I got pride.
Our children will definitely be brilliant and intelligent but there would be no need sending them to school when there is a big farm to work on and you can be rest assured that I would not cheat on you unless you consider a second wife as infidelity then I would be forced to reconsider.
8.    And for punishments I will refer the child to you so that I can blame you in future if the child becomes wayward. I will definitely be a good husband at least I have subscribed to your rules and as far as Fela is not included in our love life, all will be rosy
P.S: I hope now is good enough for you. I don’t want another man to steal you. And you might think that all I have written is incoherent, just know this “I was born that way.” I’m an erratic phlegmatic bastard.

You don’t like Fela. I can’t even date you.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.


16 Responses to "Dear Future Wife II"

Hahaha!!!! What is even wrong with all of you?!??!?! Lol!

Number 6 tho….cool post….6/10

Lol… The future is bleak

the last line sums it up… erratic phlegmatic bastard!
but then, try and love him for his.. ermm… honesty. 😐

This guy na jonzer for real, no woman will agree to any of these rules bro *as* is different from *has* na.

And yes, ur number 5 is funny 🙂

Anytime i see farm in this post…, Ota farm comes to mind!

13 boys?! That’s homicide on d woman naw.. 😦

No wonder Kemi call u jonzer… as far as Fela is not… ?! Loooong thing!

Love of Ūя̲̅ life! Lmfao… Thanx to dis post I av a venue for my next romantic date. Wu needs oceanview when we cud just hang a paintin of d ocean n still av a romantic dinner!

Lmao!!! Romantic!!

*smiles* now he’s a real Jonzer, no wonder he didn’t identify himself
*pulls out log book* that’s minus one from my competitors. What won’t take u from me sha, wee only make u closer to me noni

LMAO….really?….like truly really?!… My sides are in stitches

na wa for ur admirers o,kemi.dey seem to b on d wild syde.i luv number 6 though.crazy post

[…] days back, I left my natural habitat at Ajegunle to give a lecture at a Town Hall in Ikeja (@Kemmiiii’s blog) and it went okay. Today though, is a whole different ball […]

lmao!!!!!!!!!!! Kemmiii all d best mehn!

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