Kemmiiii's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘Sad

My Smile

“You have a cute smile”

“There’s this demeanor about you when you smile

“I like how you show your rabbit teeth when you smile”

“Do you even know how to frown?”

I have this ‘electric’ smile where I bare all my pearly whites. Smiling is something I started doing so that people wouldn’t know how much of a sad little child I was; there’s nothing worse than people asking “what’s wrong with you?” And you just can’t explain what.

Meaning I had this plastic smile that looked so real. This my smile got me so many school mothers and senior friends back in secondary school. I was even awarded “The Friendliest Smile” of my graduating class.

Nowadays, my smile is more genuine and from deep within; people ask me why I’m always so happy. What’s not to be happy about? Life’s too short to be anything but happy.

If you don’t see me smiling, I’m either tired, hungry or stressed out. It takes a whole lot to get me angry.

From this, not everybody’s smile is a real one; some smiles are just masking so many untold stories. Trust me, I know this.

PS. Thank you to everyone that keeps checking back, God bless you. Special S/O to Uncle Maf, Nells, Dami, Bayo and everybody on the down low. I appreciate. :).

Ciao.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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Tur-bu-lent (Adjective) |tur-byu-lunt|
-Characterized by unrest, disorder, agitation or insubordination.

Mo-ment (Noun) |mow-munt|
-A particular point in time.

Life as we know it is full of so many uncertainties and bad things happen to good people. Bad people too. And everything they say, happens for a reason because God always has a plan and a purpose for our lives.

It is a known fact that ups and downs are necessary; they are what shape us. If you don’t experience the lows, you cannot savor and appreciate the highs.

20121201-160025.jpg

I have experienced many lows and many highs in this my short journey in life. All for which I’m thankful and grateful to God for seeing me through.

Evidently, I have gone through turbulent times but the most turbulent has to be the period between JSS1 and JSS2 when my mother had to go away for a mysterious reason. I later got to know that it was a sickness that was best unknown to my brothers and I.
It was bad enough that my parents separated two years before and I was still trying to get myself together and recover from the trauma. Mother just had to come down with this horrible illness that will keep her away from us for so long.

“How long is she going to be away for?” We asked our Uncle Lanre.
“Just six months”

Six months turned into almost a full year.

Can you imagine a JSS1 girl on visiting day when no one comes to visit her?
Mother never missed visiting days so Uncle Lanre was saddled with the duty of bringing us Provisions on visiting day. The tasty Fried Chicken was no match for Mothers’s home cooked Jollof Rice/Fried Rice which was the highlight of every visiting day asides the provisions and extra pocket money that came with it.

Shamefully, those were the most prayerful/trying times in my life. I just wanted mother to be okay.

It wasn’t until years later that I put two and two together and realized that mother went to treat herself for breast cancer. No wonder she was looking so frail and had almost all her hair gone by the time she got back. Frail or Not, I was just happy to have my mother back.

Now I do and I make sure she knows how much I love her. I hope such affliction does not show it’s ugly face again.

People with a family history of Breast Cancer should take it seriously. Genetic predisposition has been proven. Do the Breast Self Examination as frequently as possible and go for routine checks.

Here’s something related I wrote as part of breast cancer awareness month last year; Feel A Boobie you should check it out.

PS. If you care to read more from my challenge, do subscribe. 🙂
xoxo!!

Hey Ma Gees. :D.

I know. I know. I have been lazy *guilty face* I have so much going on. Just finished a crazy set of exams. My brain kinda went on vacation. Hope It’ll back soon tho. I haven’t been exactly lazy tho; In case you didn’t get the notifications, I have a new category: From my Mailbox where I have been posting Random stuff from my mailbox. You know all those chain emails you don’t bother reading? Yeah.

Also, Poetry.

Some other stuff too. If you want to be the first to know, you can like to Subscribe to my blog by clicking that lil’ box while you’re dropping a comment 🙂

On to today’s post.

Let me tell you a lil’ story:

My mother came down with breast cancer almost 8 years ago. It was a really sad time for me because 2 years before then, my parents had a really ugly divorce. My brothers and I were caught in the middle of the mess. I was almost 8 and traumatized. My brothers seemed indifferent though. I was the only one always doing the crying and begging mummy to come back and begging daddy to take mummy back and all.

Sad thing is; Till now, I don’t know why they got a divorce. Upon how nosy I am.

I Also didn’t know my mum had cancer. I only figured when I saw her drug; Tamoxifen. Lots of it. I was older and wiser. So I googled it. I put 2 and 2 together and came up with my breast cancer theory. The breast cancer Magazines, Fliers and all also gave her away.

I remember vividly, My second visiting day as a BMJS student (Fall ’03). I was waiting eagerly for my mum. Clad in my whitest Sunday wear. Mummy did not show :(. My mother’s elder brother came visiting tho. Seeing him deepened my sadness as a matter of fact. He told my elder brother and I that “Mummy went to London for Business”

Mummy’s business trip lasted almost a year. The uncle had to come back to tell us Mummy fell sick while on her business trip and she had to stay back for treatment. I was torn. I cried my head off.

As  a smart girl, I figured that mummy was sick even before she left because anytime she was gonna travel she always talked about it. She couldn’t even come to see us in school before leaving.

So much time away didn’t do so much though; sickness was written all over her. She looked emaciated and sickly. Her hair had fallen out too..effect of chemotherapy.

Anyway, to cut the long story short, My mummy survived. She completed her drugs almost a year ago. She’s hale, hearty and she’s on her grind. One of the things I can be thankful for.

I dunno why I’m telling y’all this story, I just felt like sharing.

“Breast Cancer No Dey Respect Breast Size”

So you see Breast cancer (and most other chronic terminal illnesses) does not come with the physical pain alone. Emotional pain comes with it. You see I’m a very emotional somebody. I was always crying but nobody knew. Nobody even knew my parents were divorced. I was very secretive about my family life. I developed my loud mouth towards the end of Secondary school. I met people with worse family situations than  mine.

I’m glad my mother survived it. Not everybody does.

That Title is too catchy eh? I know. All of you expecting Quaving Lessons 101, I’m really sorry. October is Breast Cancer awareness month so the timing is just perfect.

You see Ladies, (Dudes don’t get too happy) Men can also have breast cancer (just 1% of breast cancers though). Anyone can have breast cancer so don’t go “Oh! Cancer is for the old ladies” It’s just that the older ladies are prone to Beast cancer as they near menopause. In LUTH today, young girls come with serious cases of breast cancer. I could’ve put up pictures but I don’t want anybody to pass out while reading my post.

So I did a little research…Reading really boring stuff here and there. I should put what I learnt in form of an article, But No. I’ll just give bullet points.

  • The Breast is probably the best thing even before sliced bread 😐 .
  • Not all breast lumps are cancerous. However, All breast lumps have to be taken out because they can be precursors for cancer. Don’t be like the people that will run to Pastor, Imam, Babalawo and all because they don’t want to undergo surgery. Your situation might just get worse.
  • If you have a personal or genetic history of cancer. You are at a higher risk.
  • Serious cases of Cancers are Metastatic. Metastasis simply means that the cancer cells can spread to lymph nodes and other surrounding areas like the lungs. Even the brain.
  • Since the major risk factors; Sex, Age and Gender cannot be prevented, It is only wise to do a regular screening for early detection which can prevent death from cancer.  Other risk factors to breast cancer include overzealous use of oral contraceptives and smoking.
  •  Breast Self-Examination (BSE) Can be easily done and it costs nothing.  It should be done regularly. Say monthly; immediately after your menstrual period. A yearly Mammogram is also advisable. Especially for the older ladies.

Breast Self-Examination

I hope I have been able to make sense tho.

*****************************

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with @Real001 recently.

Sources: Google, Wikipedia, emedicinehealth.com

With Major contributions from @Cycatrx and @Dhamyhan

This is a short story written by the lovely  @Mizz_Starzz. Enjoy

***************

This story wasn’t mine to tell. It was when I saw the name ‘Adeleye’ tattooed on a white woman’s back that I began to piece together her story. Funny how there wasn’t any sort of Ade in her given names but for some reason it juggled my memory.

It was during one of our many BBM conversations that she began telling me. First, her past poured out and I sympathized: the many cold nights, the neglect, the public indifference. What got her through it? She’d like to think it was her resilience I choose to say it was God, why? Cos I’m a believer I have blind faith. no questions asked. She talked about how she’d eaten off many dishes and I listened and sympathized some more. She ate the ones of sorrow, of lies, of wrongful accusations, with tears in my eyes I consoled her.

Next came the recent present..

At First, it reeked of love but boys will be boys.

Now all she talks about are the beatings. How she copes? She disassociates herself from the present when its happening. She goes to her ‘happy place’ and watches while it goes on. The only reminder she gets are the scars running all-over her hands and back, angry scars, stubborn scars that refuse to heal. Suffice to say long sleeves were her favourites. She’d never wear gowns, never wear backless dresses too…

Now I understood why.

It wasn’t all pain she reminded me.

She had killed a baby for him one time but he wouldn’t still give her the ring. She would then launch into the ‘Ibiza story’. The postcards from Italy; it had been peace on all sides back then

Lately her story had been filled with ‘I’s and ‘Me’s…..

Sitting on the bus I kicked and kicked myself for not noticing. I had my head so far up my own ass I couldn’t see that she was drowining! She was calling out for help, as subtly as her strict upbringing and self pride could allow her. She was asking for my help and I was too blind to see. And I paid dearly for it too. When it was my turn to pour my handful of sand on her coffin as the preacher man droned on “ashes to ashes…..”

A sudden chill descended upon me.

It was a hot July morning, most of the mourners were too hot to cry since we were all robed in black. As I looked up I could have sworn I saw her flash me a wicked smile and disappear amongst the trees.

Why ‘Adeleye’ triggered these memories I am yet to find out. This is her story. Just as she’d want it to be told, sharing her pain without revealing much.

************

Please share your thoughts in the comment box.

xx

Ok. I’m not so much of a poet.
I did not even like reading poetry. Well not until I started reading @awizii’s blog.
Before then, it was just cramming lines of William Shakespeare and William Wordsworth-Longfellow back in Primary school for me.
I even remember my Embarrasing experience on 19th street *side eye at @HL_Blue*
So this is a poem that just came to me during biochem class. It may be about me and it may not! :p
Hope you’re not expecting too much already. Hehe.
Here you go.

That Smile
So heavenly
It illuminates a room
So innocent
It brings back memories of youth
So graceful
Even godesses get envious
That smile
So beautiful
It makes you wanna smile
That lovely smile

But behind that smile
Lies so much pain
Pain from a sorrowful upbringing
Shrouded with fear
And tears from times past.

The smile masked the pain
So well
It masked the sorrow
So well
It hid every trace of tears
Depicting such happiness
Don’t be deceived by the smile
A sad soul lies within.

Honest and Constructive criticism please. 😀

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My Pops’ birthday Is in a few days time..(you’ve probably noticed how much I love my pops!! i write something about him in almost all my posts cos I love him ^_^ ) And the house is already cramped! Its really annoying cuz people just barge into my room, mess up my room, mess up my bathroom, and worst of all, My laptop screen got broken. Anytime I get pissed, I just keep on reminding myself that they came to celebrate with my daddy. “Kemi keep calm…They are here to celebrate with your daddy.”

He was planning to just celebrate his birthday at the orphanage before…We all thought the man was going through mid life crisis…In my mind I was like “Baba don old he dosent know what is wrong with him again” They convinced him to celebrate it…This was the beginning of the end…Its not as serious as im making it sound oh!

I mean, If you are celebrating your birthday with orphans who will be willing to come all the way from the US to celebrate with you? Nobody of course! So We are still going to the orphanage but we are celebrating the day after…

I got back from school that fateful Tuesday afternoon and GBOOM!! They were there!! In the living room!! Five of them!! They all went “Hey Kemi”..I looked around, the living room was  so cluttered with luggage and footwear and all. In my head, I was like “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????” And I had a classic plastic smile on.

In my head, I began calculating the date of the party..TF?? Two weeks away…Who does this?? Dosent it occur to you that someone celebrating something will be quarter to broke and it seems right to you to come and live off him? Have mercy!!! (No PM for me in 2 weeks)

After the customary, Hellos and His, How is school and all? With my plastic smile still plastered on my face, I ran off to my room. Next thing I know, the kids just barged into my room and I was about to snap at them then I reminded myself that they were my Father’s guests.

I said a silent prayer “Father Lord Help me to be patient”

Apart from their messiness, they are also very insolent. God knows my child cannot be that insolent even Even if they are born In America or Taiwan! Aint no children gonna be showing the policemen their bums. These ones were not born in America sef. They havent even lived there for up to 10 years and they already forgot where they came from. They will be making stupid comments that I wish I could just snap back at them but I’ll just have to calm myself down.

Let Me give you a few instances.

Those comments dey always chook me eh! (The responses I wish I could give are typed in bold)

Guest: Oh Kemi..Power is out. Why cant we have the generator on?

Kemi: You have to wait till 7. ( If I slap you ehn! Na you buy diesel put for dia?)

Guest: Ooooh! You have Wifi I thought Africa was like Haiti. Can I use the computer?

Kemi: No. I have school work. ( Dude! How did you become this shallow? Africa is not a jungle? Have you forgotten that you were born and raised here)

Guest: Kemi you aggy as hell!!

Kemi: Im just happy you’re here 🙂 (WAKA!! Emi aggy? What does aggy mean sef?) 

Guest: Why Does the Wifi start at 7? That is so Haiitian

Kemi: Cuz no one is at home to use it all day ( Why are the osteoblasts in your skull so hyperactive?)

Guest: Oh My Word Kemi you have your own bathroom!! I wish I had a room this big.

Kemi: Yeah Thanks. (Sha ma ji toothpaste mi lo! Mo ti ri oju e nbe)

Guest: Kemi You’re so African!! Im Happy Im American.

Kemi: Since when did you become American? ( Dude!! I guess I have to remind you how you got your visa..and how I used to beg your mummy to allow you stop cutting okro and come and play with us.)

Guest: Kemi Gba ”chewing gum” yii kófi hanu.

Kemi: Thank you ma

Guest 2: Kemi Can I have some?

Kemi: No!

Guest 2: You want to go and show off at school right?

Kemi: *silence* (what could I have said sef? It doesn’t warrant a reply)  

Those are just few instances of how they’ll be getting on my nerves.

The visitors aside, My brother’s also arrived on Sunday. Im surprised that they havent been frustrating me about how Im enjoying Nigeria and Med School. When they came last christmas It was really bad. I really dont get why people just go and come be acting like they’ve never lived in Nigeria. It ticks me off I swear!

I just wish I could say my thoughts but I have to be on my best behavior *adjusts LV halo*

As you can see everything is chooking me.

It is chooking me die!! Plus I will come back from school to arrange my own room upon how much I threaten to make them sleep on the couch.

Did I mention how they will be going to Mr. Biggs Every night and be feeling tech with themselves? It used to chook me that they dont even offer me! But I thank God that im allergic to Mr. Biggs.

In the short time they have spent, They spoilt my laptop, Not like they spoilt it but the laptop is quarter to dead so I put the blame on them 😀

*sigh*

I cant wait till this party is over with! So that all this people can go back to where they came from and I can have my normal sleeping pattern back. Did I mention how much this child kicks me in the middle of the night?? Chimo!! I just Kent!! I have neck ache, back pain and muscle spasms every night! I am not lying! 😐

Mschew! My aunt is now coming with her nosy friend tomorrow!! Double wahala for Dead Body!!

Rant Over!

PS: Im sorry for boring you with my boring life 😦 I have learnt that when you tell people your problems, It reduces the weight! Please help me carry some of my troubles 🙂

****************

I’m meant to have posted this days ago. *side eye* at the lazy editor.

Appaz, tomorrow is my Pops’ Birthday and the population of my house cannot even be rounded up. *sigh*

My mum Fowards some really cool e-mails to me. Most of them always make me reel with laughter. She sent this one yesterday. I really liked it so I decided to share with you. This is not a funny one tho. Enjoy.

A mouse looked through the crack in
>the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
>
>”What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered –
>
>he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
>
>Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.
>
>”There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
>
>The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and
>
>said, “Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no
>consequence to me.
>
>I cannot be bothered by it.”
>
>The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the
>house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
>
>The pig sympathized, but said,
>
>”I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but
>pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.”
>
>The mouse  turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the house!
>
>There is a mousetrap in the house!”
>
>The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my
>nose.”
>
>So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the
>farmer’s mousetrap– alone.
>
>That very night a sound was heard throughout the house — like the sound of
>a mousetrap catching its prey.
>
>The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught.  In the darkness, she did
>not see it was a venomous snake
>
>whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife.
>
>The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.
>
>Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup,
>
>so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main
>ingredient.
>
>But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit
>with her around the clock.
>
>To feed them, the farmer  butchered the pig. The farmer’s wife did not get
>well; she died.
>
>So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to
>provide enough meat for all of them.
>
>The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
>
>So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn’t
>concern you, remember —
>
>when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
>
>We are all involved in this journey called life.
>
>We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to
>encourage one another.
>

***************



  • Cecila: When shopping from the internet, a numerate of the great unwashed ofttimes take time to scan done a twosome of reviews on the merchandise ahead qual
  • cycatrx: Kem dela creame....... :d
  • bybaaaa: Lol. I just saw this thanks to oumissa. I love you. :*

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