Kemmiiii's Blog

Archive for the ‘Things That Grind My Gears’ Category

Imagine the [Nigerian] Blogosphere;


Personal blogs like mine, Music Blogs, Food Blogs, Techie Blogs, Literary Blogs, Natural hair Blogs, Linda Ikeji’s Blog (LIB) and Linda Ikeji Wannabes.

Linda Ikeji is my idol! I love how she instigates a lot of stuff without setting herself up. She throws her readers in a limbo, gets views, gets clicks and ultimately gets paid. Brilliant!

Today is not about Linda Ikeji or her minions, I’m on about Linda Ikeji Wannabes and ‘New Generation News/Gossip Bloggers’. I deleted my twitter because someway, somehow, they managed to invade my timeline with all their twitter feed. I dunno how that did it but they grew like weeds with thorns. So many and so annoying.

All of them, obviously hungry for views, obviously hungry for clicks on ads pasted all over their blogs and these blogs without content.
They go about manipulating headlines to lure you into reading drab articles, irrelevant news and all what not.

There was this particular one that broke the camel’s back; I wish I could name this particular blog. Sha, the post was titled “So So and So’s ordeal with a Lagos Big Babe” gleefully, I added the link to my Pocket (Read It Later) thinking that I’ve found correct gist. Only for me to open the post and be very disappointed because the article and the title were like two opposing poles! No correlation!

I was appalled!

I begged The Lord to hold me! He did!

I wonder what happened to writing legit articles, publicize without constituting a nuisance because flooding people’s Timelines only makes them disgusted and repels them from your website. It doesn’t make any sense to draw people to your website under false headings. It’s dishonest and annoying!

Asides the lies, the news they report? So not news worthy! You’ll see stuff like;
-Wizkid’s Girlfriend’s Eyelash Falls off. [Pics]
-Check out Tiwa Savage’s New Nail Polish. [Photos]
– Banky W misplaces signature hat. [Video]
-Toke Makinwa Switches Up Accent + More [audio. mP4. MP3]

And in emergency situations when there are news flashes and stuff, if you visit these blogs at the same time, they would’ve published the same story, No jara or Fisi. THE EXACT SAME THING. Not one comma will be missing. Copy and Paste Journalism I call it. They don’t even verify sources, look into how true the stories are they just go on to post the same thing like a blind population where there is even no man with one eye to reign over them.

No iota of journalism.

It’s a sorry case and it saddens me..

It’s such a shame how people now pride themselves as Journalists/News bloggers because Internet is cheap, to own an internet accessible device is cheap, wordpress and blogspot are free, to own a .com is relatively cheaper, ASUU went on strike for too long and the Unemployment rate is really high.

So we see, not everybody deserves access to the internet and to blog is not by force!



Nigerians overdo things. GENERALLY speaking.

Nigerians that use photoshop horribly give Nigerians a bad name. I think 419ers and Yahoo Boys are better because some of them are smart except a few of the new generation Yahoo boys.

Like! Who you tryna fool?

What exactly do you mean?


You guys need to quit this bad behavior.

See these ones;

I wish there was an explanation for this. I just can’t!


These ones are meant to be Superman and Lois Lane. I think.


See how this one us bigger than the car. When you’re not the Incredible Hulk. Zero proportion! Not even realistic at all.


I wonder if this is somebody’s daddy;


See my guy! Swimming in Money;


I wonder Why Joekel had to caption a picture of himself ”on is way to America”. Big Deal.


“I’m gonna be on the cover of Forbes Magazine smiling next to Oprah and the Queen”. Dreams do come true.


This is Frank Ocean. Don’t you think so?


This one made me weak. How can you be bigger than the escalator?


Peter And Paul. Dem be 4 no be 2;


I’m done guys.
Weak too.

Hi guys! Today on TTGMG, We have Afoma. She’s a fellow Medical Student and she blogs here.

Hello everyone who reads Kemi’s blog! *waves*. My name is Afoma, in case she doesn’t introduce me and I’m about to tell you all some of the stuff that people do that really annoy me. Be warned, there’s quite a number of them. I don’t want you guys to think that I’m easily irritated, but what can I do? Oh well, here goes:

1. Loud people: I can’t tell if loud females or loud males annoy me more, I’m still deciding, maybe I’ll have made my decision at the end of this post. I’m aware some people are naturally loud, but for God’s sake there’s a time for everything. Maybe you think screaming at the top of your voice will make you heard, but you should also know that you could be giving an unfortunate person there a hefty migraine. I can even hear you when you whisper, because your whispers are louder than my normal voice and I’m not one of those girls with a really tiny voice. Boys/guys are allowed to be loud in pubs or bars when they’re watching football matches, even in their homes or when that enthusiastic convo is happening with the guys, but come on, you can’t always be that loud. Girls, we understand that there are those arguments when you’re trying to prove a point to that other girl or when you’re trying to show how one singer is better than the other, we get it, but please don’t be that loud, its off-putting.

2. Open-mouthed chewers: Okay, I don’t understand why I need to see the results of the action of your masticatory muscles or why you need to talk with food in your mouth. Please, don’t open your mouth with food in it, except you’re with close friends and you’re just being silly. Don’t talk with food in your mouth unless it’s a life or death emergency. And we don’t need to hear the sound of your food being broken down unless they’re extra crispy or crunchy in which case you’re pardoned. You’re not five, we do not need to see food leaking through your lips.

3. Spitting at me while talking: This is simply unacceptable. I get that we may have moments (one or two) when we’re really excited and we spit at someone while talking. But this is not socially acceptable in case you were wondering. I’ve had people spit a chunk of white foamy saliva on my hand while they were speaking. Of course, I used enough soap and washed it off while I tried not to think of all the bacteria that had been released to my skin. Safe to say I’m still traumatized. Slow down, I’m listening, you don’t have to say it all at once. Take a break to rid your oral cavity of saliva.

4. Leaving doors open: This is just a manifestation of my OCD. I can’t help it. Doors should be closed, especially if they were closed before you opened them. Please remember to close them when you step out, thank you.

5. Pen Chewers: So, most people did this until maybe JS3. We’re grown ups now, chewing pens or anything other than food and chewing gum is just wrong. ESPECIALLY when its a borrowed pen, which just happens to be mine. Don’t do it. Remember you’re a grown up. It helps to think that way.

6. The Condemners: These are people who cannot have a conversation with you without talking about someone else or something someone else did and condemning them and of course needing you to join in condemning. Get thee behind me. I’m trying to live this life where I mind my own business and not gossip about about others, so please don’t tell me, I really don’t care and I have a lot to study, no time for this gist.

7. Slow walkers: This is just a really silly pet peeve. Especially when I’m walking alone or trying to catch that 8am class. Don’t walk in the centre of the road and sloooooowlllyy. I might be tempted to push you.

8. It’s MY phone: When you ask to see my phone, do just that. Please don’t look at my photos or videos or personal files without my permission. I think it’s rude. I have nothing to hide, I just don’t need you snooping when you’re not a close friend or family. Some (very embarrassing) photos are for my personal viewing only.

9. Don’t trash talk my favorite bands or songs. I take it personally. Don’t trash talk my favorite anything. Books, people, food, blogs anything. If you don’t like it. Say so, nicely and stop there. And you’re only allowed to say when I’ve asked your opinion.

10. You’ve made it to the end, well done and thanks for sticking till the end of my rant. I think loud girls are more irritating. Ugh. Be a lady please. At least in public.

***PS: No vex oh, if one of these peeves affect you. They’re just my peeves, I’m sure some people love these things.

Afoma, too cute.


This is my friend; the political minded ‘Mr. President’ telling us what grinds his gears.


Okay, before I get crucified here, I just want to air my views in Kemmy’s new category.
It might not make much sense to you if you have not experienced it, though I have an incourse tomorrow, something just said I should drop this.
Okay enough of the intro.

It baffles my imagination why I would ignore the supremacy battle in this college (College of Medicine). This is a battle you feel even without your five senses.

When it comes to the ambiguous generalization of a “medical student”, to a layman it means you are a doctor-to-be, but here in Medilag we know the difference between , pharmacy, medicine, physiology etc. .
This has led to the coinage of the word ‘paramedicals’ which is used to address the physiology, physiotherapy, Radiology and pharmacology students.

But the real meaning of paramedic-is a person who helps people that are injured e.g an ambulance worker. So how can someone think of a physiotherapy student as a paramedic?

Medical(real medical I mean) and Dental students are not left out in this silent battle.

Surprisingly, between these two Generals(medicine and dentistry)they just assume that any student using the c.g.p.a grading system is not a medical student, to them others should not even be in this college in the first place. But between this two generals is an infighting like that of Gen OBJ and IBB or even worse than a Boko-Haramize (or is it JAMBS)kind of fighting.

The medical students calls the Dental students ‘teeth doctors’, the dental students believes that after all we are all doctors!!!!
What is amusing is when a biochemistry student says he/she is a medical student (because their department is in LUTH).
So people let’s stop this fighting, let’s work as a team and treat each other with mutual respect ,You can’t have a doctor without basic physiology, Anatomy and even Pharmacology. If these foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?

God bless yall.

Mr. President is simply against the segregation among medicine-oriented students.
This silent battle for supremacy sha.

Another TTGMG post. This time by Justin Irabor who blogs here. He specifically asked me to upload his mascot. I wonder why.



I have a confession. And please don’t add “don’t take it personal”. That really grinds my gears.
So. Erm. What was I saying? Ah, yes, the confession. When I launched Microsoft Word on my PC in a (brave) bid to write for Kemmiiiiiiiii’s (please, If I exceed the ‘i” limit in her name, forgive me) blog, I had not one thing to write about.
It’s appalling yeah? I mean, how can someone have lived this long on earth and not have a single thing that grinds his gears? Even Oscar Pistorius had something like that in his life (his legs. I’m talking about his legs.)
So, first of all (oh God, please don’t say “Go down low”), I would like to kindly introduce myself as Irabor Justin, Maestro, Vunderkind and proud owner of Crazy comics and, a proud father (to be) and a guy without gears that have experienced any form of grinding.
Oh…wait. I just remembered.
I do have something to talk about. It really grinds my gears. And I bet to God it grinds yours, too.
Wait for it…
Romantic Vampires.
That stuff is all shades of annoying. On that note, let us ignore further reference to Fifty Shades of Grey, okay? Good people.
Where were we? Yes, Romantic Vampires. I watched the first Twilight movie with a straight face, and thought – what the heck? Vampires are no longer killed by sunlight? Ooooh. They hide from the sun because they GLITTER. That MAKES a lot of sense! Nope, nothing in the least bit gay about that one.

One of the most appalling new-fangled concepts in the history of Vampirology (a cool word I formed, thank you) is the idea of Vegetarian Vampires. I am sure you know what it means, but just for the benefit of doubt, I shall proceed to explain.
Vegetarian (abi na vegan?) vampires are a rare (I dare add, stupid) breed of vampires who love us humans so much that they have sworn off drinking human blood (aww). But of course, they still have cravings for delectable blood, so how do they cope? Well, they hunt animals instead.
Like rabbits.
Nothing gay about that either.

So, what is the outcome? Well, they become pretty weak. Apparently human blood is the balanced diet of vampires, and rabbit blood cannot supply the essential vitamins and minerals required for them to grow into strong, healthy vampires (I realize the irony here. Vampires do not actually grow.) This makes the ‘vegetarian vampires’ pretty weak, less powerful than their ‘non-vegetarian’ counterparts. They become sissies who are tossed about by vampires no more ‘vampiric’ than themselves. To prove my point, I refer you to the first meeting of Stefan and Damon Salvatore in the Vampire Diaries (Season 1). Damon tossed Stefan out the window like a wet tissue paper (and my use of the word ‘wet tissue’ paper does not reveal any secrets about me). Need I mention that Stefan was a vegetarian?
You might wonder what my issue with vegetarian vampires is, but if you will bear with me, you shall soon realize that vegetarian vampires ARE also the romantic vampires!
Let us do some logic, shall we?
Not all vampires are vegetarian.
Vegetarian vampires are romantic.
Therefore all romantic vampires are vegetarian.
See why I should have had a first class in school?
Aaaanyways, Back to the gear-grinding bit. Let us return in my imaginary time machine and go back to the days of Brahm Stoker. In the days of the prevalent terror of that noble, charming and dreaded Cunt (sorry, I meant count), Count Dracula!
Heck. Not so gay anymore now, is it? He was quite the charmer, too, but he was a MAN, not a ladyboy, like out beautiful Stephenie Meyer is beginning to make the new ‘versions’ of vampires into.
Your honor, in pleading the case of vampires all over the world, I would like to say that much damage has been done to their cause. A vampire comes into a girl’s room, says “BLEH! I am about to drain you of your blood! I am about to empty you of your very life essence!”
And the girl goes, “yes, yes! Bite me, so that we may live forever and I can carry your vampire babies! I love you, random vampire.”
Sad times.
That’s got to grind your gears.
I rest my case.

But I love the twilight series. 😦

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Hey guys! Today we have DankarO ShintO telling us what Grinds his gears. Enjoy.

Ladies and gentlemen, children of ages 13+, welcome once again to the amazing world of Kemi’s TTGMG. As much as I would love to stand on existing protocols and get straight to the point, I’m afraid I have to do a little education.

This might be a bit out of point but seeing as the actual thing that grinds my gear can be stated in a simple sentence I’m trying to get this to be presentable long enough to be classed as an article and I’ve always being intrigued by the differences and relationship between them, I’m gonna teach you guys the difference between liquors and liqueurs before we move on.

In general, “liqueurs” are sweetened spirits with various flavors, oils, and extracts. Liqueur alcohol content can range from a low 15% to 55%, so potency is not a distinguishing factor. Rum, whiskey, brandy, and other liquors can serve as a base spirit for liqueurs. Cream liqueurs have cream added, while créme liqueurs are much sweeter, likened to a potent syrup. Our ancestors referred to liqueurs as cordials, and they were often used medicinally. Now, we just use them to pull trips.

Liquor is an alcoholic beverage made of grains or other plants which is fermented into a potent drink. Although sugar is generally used in the fermentation process, the resulting liquor is not sugary sweet. Liquors are nowadays available in flavored forms, but they are not sweet to the palate. The flavor is usually added after distilling through a steeping process, much like vinegars and oils are infused.

*professor mode deactivated*

This brings me to the moral of the story:

Nigerian, or should I say African girls seem to be unable to handle their alcohol.

See for a while now, I’ve declared myself perpetually single and wholly celibate. For that reason, I’ve come to be the usual “third wheel” in all hanging out and drinking sessions with my friends, their babes and most times “le side boo”.

*please don’t ask bout my Valentine’s day*

This new found lack of inhibition and freedom to imbibe led me to that very disappointing conclusion.

First off, let’s establish why alcohol is essential to having an awesome party.

In an ideal situation and a perfect world, girls would come to parties, sidon free chair, chop free food, drink free juice and dance. Emphasis here on Dance. In this oh so wonderful place, the host won’t have to run around trying to use paint thinner to unstick their butts from the chairs on which they have turned Mount Zion that can’t be moved.

Alas we live in a warped world where to get the testosterone immersed dance floor diluted with a little estrogen can be likened to getting the Head-Arab-In-Charge of Iran to admit that they are building nuclear weapons. And there, my dear Frodo is where alcohol comes in. Yes, plenty alcohol can do what the combo of Lynnxx and Brymo were not able to achieve in the last party I went to.

Okkie, now let’s use the unfortunate analogy of the “developed” and “underdeveloped” countries.
In the so called developed countries, when a girl is given a drink, manipulated into drinking or just plain told “drink this booze or die”, she becomes the life of the party. And when you’ve got about 10 girls who are the “lifes” of the party, then the term awesome may be vaguely introduced into any further future references to the said party.

From the above paragraph, I’d like y’all to remember the key phrase; “life of the party”.

Now let’s navigate closer to home. The erstwhile “underdeveloped” abodes like ours. I’d like kemi to design a research around this though, cause I’m puzzled by the 360 degree about turn we find closer to home. You make the MISTAKE of giving a girl booze to drink in Nigeria, then you’ve single handedly ruined you day, night, coming day and coming night, and possible your entire week.

(Insert your tale here)

For those of us with delusions of grandeur, we find it funny and actually look down on girls which drink anything other than liqueur. Of which the most common is Baileys. The said Baileys I’m certain has been the downfall of so many masculine spirits in various stages of inerbraitions. The thing is they(girls) become a Liability! You give her half a glass, just half a glass of Baileys and she magically metamorphoses into……

*Wait for it*



Not the firm aggressive fried plantain we buy in the bukkas’ and eateries my dear Frodo, Nah, I’m talking bout the overripe ones we eat at home cause everyone was too lazy to fry it until it was almost bad. Yea the kind dodo wey dey turn belle.

So since human cloning, breeding and artificial selection have being deemed unethical and immoral, I think the best way is to avoid the problem. So for my ladies out there before you take that sip, remember that you’re may just be on your way to ruining not just your good time but the guy that’s trying to get you to drink it too. So take out time and explain to the dude. And trust me, if he’s got an iota of common sense, he’s gonna go look for a Wafi babe. Guaranteed to drink him under the table.

And for the ever teeming, youthful- exuberance-exuding-and-eager-to-get-her-drunk male folks out there, trust me on this one. Its so not worth it! Since we are unable to alter the defaults of the female psyche, anatomy and physiology to more beneficial settings, niccuhs…..get a Calabar girlfriend. They are always on a high!

What do I know about alcohol?(._. )

First TTGMG post. It’s by my friend Fikayo; do check out her blog.


Yeah……roll your eyes.
It’s that horrible time of the year, Valentines day. That horrible day when we all have to “love” and show it.
Here’s the thing; I love love. I mean, I’m in love with love and the idea of love.
Love is a perfect emotion.
Love means I never have to worry about my imperfections because despite the fact that you see them clearly you ignore them because even my imperfections couldn’t drive you away.
What I have a problem with is ***drumroll*** the stupid charade that is valentines day. And it’s not just for girls, it’s also for guys. Valentines day means guys in relationships have to spend… splash money that in most cases they don’t have. And girls especially single girls feel the need to get desperate.
I’m 20 years old and I’ve been single all my life. I’m not complaining. I love being single. I love that its just me, myself and I. I know it sounds sad but I love being single. Relationships are complicated and in most cases it means submission on my part and if you know me well enough you know I don’t do submission. So, I’m single and I love it.
Valentines day is the only day of the year when my being single becomes a problem. It’s not a problem for me, it’s a problem for my million friends, my parents and all other predatory guys I know. Suddenly everyone becomes concerned that I am ‘still’ single. Excuse me! All through the year you don’t say anything about my relationship status, infact you encourage me to be single and face my studies but suddenly you are worried on February 14 alone!

The only people who love/enjoy/look forward to valentines day are single guys and girls in relationships. Single guys because there are just enough desperate single ladies to have enough random meaningless sex for a night or two. Girls in relationships because they know they are getting to pull off the charade.
I’m not some crazy jealous girl sitting in her room alone ranting about valentines day…, I’m just saying, it’s just another day. It’s not your birthday or Jesus’s birthday so just calm down and stop trying so hard to live the crazy fantasy that society forces on us.
That being said, there are 2 major upsides to valentines day;
1. It’s nice to show some love. I have noticed that on valentines day, everyone is always a tad bit nicer and that’s amazing. Any excuse for people to be nice is acceptable.
And 2. This is one that probably only applies if you live in the UK, chocolate becomes effing cheap. And yes, I’m a greedy girl. On valentines day I stock up on chockies! Yes, I’m not a size 8(no surprises there) but I’m serious. I love chocolate (especially Cadbury’s Milk Tray) and anything that makes it cheaper, is fine with me. Last valentines day, the Thornton’s 12 in 1 pack which is usually sold at £12 a pack was retailing for £5. I bought 4 and I demolished them chockies like it was the end of the world. I think for the next 3 days after that my fart smelt like cocoa (this is where you scrunch up your face and say Too Much Information)

So my advice this valentines day (not that you asked for it) is simple;
Enjoy your day. If you are single be grateful! Better be single and safe than in a relationship and scared out of your mind. And remember good things come to those who wait, you might have to wait a while but it will come and it will be worth the wait.
Also ladies, you are the bone of someone’s bone. You just have to wait for the bone owner to come find his bone (if you read it aloud it doesn’t sound weird). And for the guys, single guys don’t be pervs on valentines day. Be respectful to all the ladies no matter how single and desperate. You might have a daughter someday. And for the guys in relationships…God knows I feel so sorry for you. Ask her what she wants and do your best to get it. And if she says she wants nothing, IT IS A LIE. Don’t fall for that female trick number 1. Get her something nice and smile.

There you have it; Fikayo telling it as it is…
What do you think?

    • Cecila: When shopping from the internet, a numerate of the great unwashed ofttimes take time to scan done a twosome of reviews on the merchandise ahead qual
    • cycatrx: Kem dela creame....... :d
    • bybaaaa: Lol. I just saw this thanks to oumissa. I love you. :*


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